Beauty in the Mess
never occured to me that I would always be under construction. I wasn't aware of the dark alleys in my mind and heart formed by trauma. Shacks that supported my internal foundation were castles to me, a comfort because they were what I knew and found familiar. I understand now this state of being was a learned behavior because living this way certainly isn’t the essence I was born into.
And yet, as I toiled my way through my 20's, my spirit was on fire. There was beauty in the mess. I had a fearlessness about me that launched me through any doorway I set my eyes on, a characteristic that still resides within my core. Tenacious, they call it.
Part of me wishes I could protect the young me in this photo, but our journeys are a gift, a right of passage, and I know I need to dig deep and uncover the gratitude for all it has taught me— for how it has groomed me. So, I reach out to her in thought or, in actuality, reach into me, to let her know that any of the less favorable characteristics or experiences of her journey were not and will not be made in vain.
Each moment served a higher purpose. I know that when I look at the woman I am in the mirror and I know this when I look into the eyes of my daughter. Because of who I have been, I will be able to teach her early what I learned late— that this exact version of me led to the creation of her. And while you should sit with yourself and examine your thoughts, growth is progressional. Not every aspect can be analyzed and some moments just need to be lived. I'll explain to her how knowledge is often housed in the most unlikely of places and even when you find the information disagreeable, you mustn't wish the insight away.
Further, there isn't a pinnacle of growth. Wisdom is both inherited and pursued. You need to grow wise enough to learn vicariously through others yet courageous enough to embrace all versions of yourself, claiming the freedom to embark upon your journey ablaze.