• Rogue Aviraunt

Another Beginning

Updated: Jul 30, 2020

"I love who I see in the mirror so much

I let myself play and get messy

I love and approve of myself

I have the ability to release anxiety and panic

I take radical responsibility for my reality

I respect my own boundaries

I accept myself for who I am

I surrender and let go of focusing on the how

I trust myself and my creative abilities."

–– Affirmation Addict

Your Solar Plexus

The affirmations above are meant to assist in balancing your solar plexus chakra. Anytime I take a look at what the chakras represent and what areas of your life they apply to, I never struggle knowing where I excel and where there is work to be done. It never matters what I've read, what I can speak on, or that I'm aware of what I need to do to stay within that balance. The results we look for are always in the work we aren't doing enough or at all. 

The solar plexus is part of the sympathetic nervous system. Among other systems, it can affect your adrenal glands and it plays a significant role in keeping our organs functioning smoothly–– it also prepares the body to respond to stress. If you keep beating up your solar plexus without opportunities for recovery, you might experience difficulty making decisions, controlling anger, managing procrastination, or even maintaining a positive view about yourself. In today's society, it's not hard to fall out of balance, especially when you actively engage with other people. 

Facts being as they are, I've noticed a direct link between a blocked solar plexus and expectation. There are so many ways the topic of expectation needs to be addressed that I instinctively pause to reassess if I'm beginning where I should. Then again, we're always right where we need to be–– surrounded by chance and choice, while ushered by change and I'm okay with that.

Change & Expectation

I'm embarking on the journey of motherhood, which is an amazing experience and I love all the miraculous things my body is doing right now. This new path also warrants a modified thought process. I might have vaguely understood what that meant, but the rabbit hole often runs deep when we experience ourselves in a new space. Think about it, you try to draw from memories and experiences that give you a basis for responding, but the reality is that you just haven't been here before. Therefore, you're forced to be an observer and an explorer, yet it's also so easy to walk into a new situation with expectations of how things "should" be. 

True to my nature, this path led me straight to research and planning. After a career of loving everyone else's children, I couldn't help but to construct a vision of what kind of mother I wanted to be should the situation ever present itself. Those thoughts were quick in passing until it was actually my turn and then I experienced the "holy shit" moment. Realizing there were a lot of things that needed to change, anxiety and frustration also began to grow because I was wondering how I could maintain the lifestyle I'd already created and accommodate a lofty new component. I think that's a part of motherhood that people don't talk about enough, but the core of it is attached to change and phases in life–– we don't talk about that enough either. 

I think it's important to realize that we are filled with so many beautiful, amazing qualities and they can take us in different directions. Simultaneously, we have to respect our boundaries and what allows us to stay balanced. Stated plainly, this just means that sometimes a version of us, a characteristic of us, may need to take a seat for a bit, while another equally beautiful aspect has the opportunity to stand up. 

Outside Influences & Expectation 

Anytime that you experience a shift or change in your life, the people connected to experience change as well. The thing about most people is that change is not always or overly welcome. When this occurs, it's not uncommon to experience conflict or a lack of approval with self because you take to heart the feelings of others. 

In my own recent journey, morning sickness was, if I had to choose a word, debilitating. I slept half a day and found myself scrambling to manage the life I'd already committed to. Not to mention I'd placed my focus in a totally different direction than a few weeks prior to and that's when the criticism started rolling in. 

I started having people tell me how I wasn't the same and that my energy wasn't as vibrant, some folks weren't too happy about my hiatus from my blog, I was criticized for lack of investment in my creativity, and my partner didn't really understand why my adulting habits intensified or why his habits needed to shift as well. The thing about the comments, they weren't coming from a place where people were intentionally trying to tear me down, but the weight of their expectations left me overwhelmed.

There came a moment where I just had to say, "hold up y'all." I needed to remember that it's not my job to make others feel comfortable with where I'm at or where I need to be in order to excel in this new phase of my life. Excuse my candor, but I'm a beast and I body shit. Still, new things take time to master. We have to be kind to ourselves and respect each phase we're in. The primary source of approval needs to come from yourself. 

Acceptance vs. Expectation

New experiences often cause us to reflect on previous experiences because we've got this whole new lens to look through. Mommyhood has done that for me. I have an entirely new appreciation for what it means to give your best and I identify with the sacrifices people like my mother or my grandmother made for me. 

I also realize that, while blessed with the opportunity to be a parent, not everyone makes the shift that's needed to truly give their children what they need. When I began working through my own traumas, I struggled to reach a feeling of acceptance toward the behavior of the adults in my life who let me down or made it rough because I hadn't learned an important lesson; you can't expect people to rise up just because you would or because you always do. 

Honestly, people who cannot reach that level of selflessness may not have ever dealt with their own trauma. Furthermore, this modern society creates a lot of room for inherent selfishness and grandiose fantasy–– a perfect place to bask in the false image of who you think you are and dress up your life with a shell that looks good. 

I can't say this doesn't make relationships difficult. You often uncover layers of another person well after having made commitments or establishing long term ties. And at that point, you've got to till the soil you've chosen no matter how much of a drought you're up against because no one is going to make greener grass for you than your own will. Continuing the metaphor, this isn't to say that everyone needs to stay on your plot of land with you if they aren't willing to put in the work, but we cannot succumb to expectation when there is no willingness to give. 

You've got your own balance to be mindful of, your own solar plexus to cleanse, and your own light to shine. Offer what love and wisdom you can without the anticipation of reciprocity, but also respect your own boundaries. 

Letting Go of Expectation & Restoring Power

People love assurity and concreteness, but life consists of change. It's your ability to adapt, honor your truth, and find value in the current version of yourself that lessens the grip on harsh expectations you've created and the unwarranted expectations of others. 

You aren't the only force in this world, which is why it's important to embrace the waves of turbulence and change. Find peace with every version of yourself, including all that comes with it, things and parts of you that have to be put on pause, and everything you need to leave behind. 

I'll end with this: 

You are powerful

You have an unlimited capacity to create

You are abundance

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